Today I begin a 40 day commitment to performing the Kriya of Liberation. I have also devoted myself to a 40 day practice of bramacharya.
Week 1: Kriya is easier than I remember it to be. My declaration of manifesting an end to my celibacy at the culmination of the 40 days resulting in a funny flirtation with the gorgeous pizza guy. Life is so amusing and the universe sure does like to play with us.
Week 2: tough stressful day. Money, time, patience …everything in short supply. Revisiting the power of mantra to ease my troubled heart. So hum – the mantra of the breath. As I breathe in I know I’m breathing in. As I breathe out, I know I’m breathing out. Ishvara pranidhana – Cultivating trust in the divine. Samsara burning up in my body – patterns of behavior disslving through this beautiful meditation. Big lessons. Will continue to explore.
Week 3: Busy mind. Kriya is difficult to sink into. Complete monkey mind. Citta Vritti – control the mind stuff.Pain manifests in the form of a migraine, which I have never experienced. I complete the meditation and go to sleep, wondering what is struggling to the surface and manifesting in my body.
This week has given me the experience of moksha…liberation. I learned to listen deeply to my inner guru and to truly practice a non harming/ ahimsa lifestyle.
Week 4: Feel myself becoming. Arriving and then again leaving. Observing then sensing. Experience of ego vs pure awareness. Moving in and out of awareness. Stepping in and fully experiencing the sensations, then stepping out and observing the sensations. Cultivating a sense of fullness, spaciousness. Still intensely uncomfortable yet finding more ease.
Week 5: Welcoming the discomfort, letting it be. Accepting what is and letting go of the need to change anything.Trust in intuition….Dissolving ego, separateness.Quivering with unease. Sat nam. In my body is mount meru. Feeling spacious and free.
Deep realization: If we could learn to train our awareness enough to acknowledge sensations as they arise, to experience them fully and to bear them, we would no longer be bound by our conditional responses.